Thursday, December 27, 2007

Meat Makes You Stupid - Episode 1

It's Christmas day and everyone in my family but me is looking forward to thick hunks of cow corpse for dinner. At one point, one of my family members walks over to the oven, opens the door to reveal the sizzling slabs of bovine flesh and actually says to me, "Mmmmm, doesn't that smell good?"

I just blinked.

"I know you're a vegetarian, but doesn't it smell goooood?"


Cut to the next day. The same member of my family asks me if I've unpacked my new KitchenAid mixer yet. I say that I haven't but that I did fall asleep reading the instruction manual the night before and was wondering which attachments may be worth purchasing.

To which my dear relative said, "I think the meat grinder attachment is the best one. That way, you can grind your own beef at home and know it's good."

Mmmm. That's exactly what I want to do with my new kitchen toy -- grind up the corpses of long-dead cows in it. Fuck making making tasty and healthy breads and treats, I'm gettin' medieval with this thing!

See? Meat makes you stupid.

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